You Got Mail

I know, this might be a bit of a shock to read, but I know a lot about your history in trying to get your Existence Evaluation accepted. And for fifty years you’ve been turned down by a bunch of white colored know-it-alls who think that they can control when you wanna die. It sickens and saddens me that you have had to go through so much pain just because of them. But fear not, I can help you because I run a business that specializes in cases like yours who want to die but are restricted from doing it.

You Got Mail

It seemed too good to be true.

Mousse, the small squirrel toon, did not know why but he had received an email from someone willing to give him what he wanted. But, as the toon stared at the email on his laptop screen, he couldn’t bring himself to care about answers now. All he knew was that the human on the other end of this email could help him and free him from his torment and all Mousse had to do was to respond to the email. He would be free.

However, despite having his means of peace and escape at his fingertips, the squirrel toon still sat on his bed frozen in place.

It seemed to be too good to be true and maybe that was a reason why Mousse found himself hesitating. For fifty years now, the toon had tried again and again to get his Existence Evaluation document accepted. That way he would be given the resources needed by the government to finally die. But all his documents came back rejected with a letter saying that he should just get medical help for his issues. However, Mousse never listened to them, because he wasn’t crazy or depressed; he was just sick of living at that point. His creator was dead! The human that gave him life! How was that not a good reason? But no one took him seriously and after fifty long frustrating and sorrowful years his free meal ticket had finally arrived. And it was in the form of an email.

It was so bizarre, it could not be true, yet the screen of text stared back at him.

🖋🖋🖋

To: moussecakedelights@gmail.com

From: nirvanacorporation@gmail.com

Subject: Business

Dear Mousse,

It has come to my attention that you have wished to die for fifty years now.

I know, this might be a bit of a shock to read, but I know a lot about your history in trying to get your Existence Evaluation accepted. And for fifty years you’ve been turned down by a bunch of white colored know-it-alls who think that they can control when you wanna die. It sickens and saddens me that you have had to go through so much pain just because of them. But fear not, I can help you because I run a business that specializes in cases like yours who want to die but are restricted from doing it.

Down below, you will find a Word document that will have a form on it for you to fill out. On this form will be all the usual information with specific options you need to fill out. Like when you wanna die, what you wanna do leading up to it if you want your death to be pleasurable or painful, and so on. However, if you don’t wish to fill out this form and want to continue doing what you’ve been doing, then go ahead. But if you want to go through with this, be sure to fill out the document and send it to me within 24 hours.

If you haven’t sent anything to me within that time the email will have deleted itself by then and I will assume that you didn’t want to do it. I do hope you will agree to this opportunity though since I haven’t had one disappointed customer yet.

Signed,

N

🖋🖋🖋

Mousse didn’t remember when he had gotten up or when he had run to the bathroom.

All he did know was that by the time he snapped out of his stupor, he had turned off the water facet after having splashed some water on his face. That email was buzzing around in his head and the more he thought about it, the more eager he was to respond. And as the toon looked into the mirror to see his mattered chocolate brown fur and dull blue eyes. It was almost as if something had clicked into his head; it didn’t matter if this opportunity seemed too good to be true. He had waited so long for an opening, and this could be the only chance he got before some government official finally forced him to go to some mental institution. So, this was not the time to get cold feet and if he was going to go through with this, dying this way would be the best way to do it.

Mousse was ready.